He's Never on Time
by Satiah
Summary: Nobody liked waiting. It was only worse when you had to wait for your own penny-penching partner to show up. Too bad Kakuzu was habitually late.


Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto

...

It was a warm and sunny day, unlike the dismal dreariness of the previous week. The rain had finally lifted, revealing a myriad of previously hidden brightness. Flowers were still in full bloom, the trees sparkled with leftover moisture, and children were happy to break free of their indoor confinements. They laughed as they sloshed in vast puddles of mud, splashing each other until their clothes were soaked to a uniform color of brown. Mothers scolded their children, took them home to clean up, and then found themselves stuck in a vicious cycle as the children ran outside once more.

There was sunshine and glee everywhere, with the exception of one tiny dark little gloom cloud hanging over a man seated at a park bench. He was dressed in faded, ripped blue jeans; an open, long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves pushed up; and a necklace with a curious symbol attached. His white hair was gelled back smoothly, and he sat with his purple eyes glancing about him, roving continuously across the park. He wasn't nervous, however. He was merely waiting for his companion to show up.

_Impatiently_ waiting for his companion to show up.

Nobody in Akatsuki cared much for waiting; it was a habit of Sasori's that rubbed off on the rest of them. But, most of all, they each hated waiting for their own idiotic partner. It was irksome enough when somebody else's teammate didn't meet you on time, but when it was your _own_ who was making you wait, things could get ugly really fast.

Unfortunately for Hidan, Kakuzu had a tendency for tardiness. He was usually too busy talking with his underground friends, finding out stuff like who had the newest hit-list, who had the most money, and, most importantly, who was willing to hire him and part with said money. Occasionally, this resulted in Kakuzu not showing up at all, which, in Hidan's opinion, was quite distasteful and rude. And it made him rather irate and irritable. (Then again, if you knew Hidan, that wasn't a difficult thing to accomplish in the first place.)

Luckily for him, Kakuzu wasn't extremely late today. Just a little bit: by three hours, or so.

"Hey," Kakuzu rumbled, approaching the bench in his non-hurried way.

"You're late, you tangled wad of dental floss. Is it really that hard to get here _on time_? Seriously…" Hidan huffed as he crossed his arms and pouted.

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow at the childishness of his immortal partner's attitude, but said nothing in return. It wouldn't matter much, anyway. If Hidan was already in a disagreeable mood, nothing Kakuzu did would make it better—only worse. Much worse. So, as Kakuzu figured it, silence was the safest choice.

"Hey!" Hidan abruptly sat upright as he continued to glare at his teammate. "Hey, I'm talking to you! Is your ancient brain so rotted that it can't possibly comprehend the concept of a _conversation _anymore? Is that your problem? _Is it?_"

Kakuzu sighed, but still made no move to reply. He would just wait it out…however many eons _that_ would take…

"I'm still talking to you!"

"…"

"You're insufferable, you know that?"

"…"

"I hate you, you disintegrating, heathen mongrel—!" Hidan's rant was rudely cut off by the sudden presence of a well-placed hand over his mouth. Not exactly knowing how to respond to the situation, Hidan glared at the offending limb, crossing his eyes slightly with the effort. For a few moments he tried to come up with an insult offensive enough to describe his displeasure at being interrupted mid-speech, but decided that, in order to properly deliver said speech, he'd first need to remove Kakuzu's hand.

So he bit it.

"AAARGH!" Kakuzu roared.

"DISGUSTING! THAT WAS _SERIOUSLY_ DISGUSTING! DO YOU EVER WASH YOUR FILTHY HANDS?" Hidan hollered back.

Both partners leapt apart as quickly as they were physically able, trying to put as much distance between them in as little time as possible. Hidan spat repeatedly on the ground, while Kakuzu fussed over his injury. Each turned to glare at the other at the same time, causing a bout of insult-laced expletives to erupt between them, with each man trying his hardest to outdo the other.

(In other words, they were having a normal conversation.)

When their verbal fistfight finally calmed down enough for the two to resume speaking in coherent sentences, the sun was already set low in the sky. It was another day wasted for the immortal duo, having spent it fighting instead of being productive. Well, it was nothing new, at least. They were both quite sure Leader-sama had gotten somewhat used to their iffy dependability by now.

Unfortunately, the general overtone of animosity had not completely left the scene. (Or, rather, it never really did.)

"You're the one who told me to be here today, you filthy dog," Hidan spat. "Seriously, _you_ told me to wait, and I did, even though I had better things to do. And all for what? For you to be late? You disreputable pig."

Kakuzu's dark green eyes flashed dangerously at his partner. "Shut your mouth, Hidan."

"No! You were late, and I am most certainly NOT going to let you off the hook! Seriously! You make me wait for your lazy, deadbeat carcass every time! Learn some common courtesy!"

"And you learn to be quiet! You aren't even letting me get to my point!"

"You have no point! You just wanted to make me wait. Again!"

Kakuzu sighed. It seemed that Hidan's hotheadedness was going to keep him from listening. Kakuzu hated it when Hidan got like that. It was as if his internal computer was set on 'destroy Kakuzu in any way possible', and, while knowing that Hidan had no hope in overpowering Kakuzu in a physical confrontation, verbal accusations were the next best choice. So that's what he resorted to, and he had already proven he was practiced enough to not let Kakuzu out of a corner if he managed to back him into one.

So here they were. Once more glaring at each other, neither willing to back down, and neither willing to listen.

(Wasn't their teamwork swell?)

Hidan crossed his arms over his chest, and with a snooty "hmmph", he turned his body away so as to face any direction where Kakuzu wasn't.

Kakuzu could have ripped the other man's arms off right then and there for being such an obstinate fool. Instead, he calmed himself down and settled for growling at Hidan.

Slowly, one purple eye opened and affixed itself on the face of his snarling partner. Deciding that it really wasn't worth his time or trouble, Hidan once more closed his eyes and held his head high, giving Kakuzu a clear impression that he still wasn't in the mood to listen to anything the other had to say.

Thoroughly infuriated, and otherwise fed up with the immaturity of the situation, Kakuzu strode over to his seated partner, roughly grabbed the open collars of his shirt, and forced him to sit up, face forward, and pay attention.

"What do you think you're doing?" Hidan demanded.

"Making you look at me," Kakuzu responded while still glaring at his partner.

"Unhand me! I demand that you let me go!"

"No."

Hidan didn't know what to do. Kakuzu was too strong for him to simply break from the grip and continue along his own merry way. He was pinned, and facing an angry Kakuzu was starting to make him seriously uncomfortable. His eyes averted to the side, but not with shame. He had said nothing he regretted.

Kakuzu held Hidan there, unable to spit out as much venom as he held contained in the forefront of his mind. As much as he'd have liked to have broken his partner's face, he knew Leader-sama wouldn't be pleased to discover if their cooperation reached all-new lows.

So he none-too-gently released Hidan and sat himself down as far away as the bench would allow.

"You're infuriating, Hidan," he growled. "Your impatience and overinflated ego are your worst attributes."

Hidan grumbled unintelligibly in response.

"Let me finish," Kakuzu replied. "You can't wait for anything, can you?" He sighed and searched for the treasure hidden deep within his pocket. He pulled it out, careful to not drop it, lest it shatter upon the ground. He had paid good money for this thing, and he wasn't about to let it break.

He tossed it toward Hidan, careful to keep his own animated threads at the ready, just in case Hidan was fool enough to drop the stupid thing himself.

Hidan strained his eyes in the now-darkened park, peering at the object in his hands. A faint glitter piqued his curiosity. In his hands, he held a crystalline paperweight in the shape of the symbol he wore around his neck. A triangle within a circle…the mark of Jashin.

"There. Happy now?" Kakuzu said.

Hidan stared, momentarily confused by the birthday gift. Then he shrugged his shoulders. "Sure," He said, nonchalantly.

Kakuzu nodded. He said nothing in return, but turned to face the stars. At least they had ended today's feud on a good note; Leader-sama would be pleased with their cooperation.

"…but if you ever make me wait that long again, I'll hang you with your own entrails. Seriously."


End file.
